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HomeGamingElden Ring’s Player Messages Are Just As Dirty As Dark Souls'

Elden Ring’s Player Messages Are Just As Dirty As Dark Souls’


A fantasy warrior watches a ghostly figure crouch over corpse with the text "lover, O lover, Time for pickle" transposed on top.

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

The most obvious way to tell if Elden Ring is a Souls game isn’t its satisfyingly difficult gameplay loop or incomprehensible lore. No, the true test of Elden Ring’s inherent Souls-ness lies with the messaging system, in which players can leave behind asynchronous notes to give their fellow Tarnished tips about impending dangers or troll them into jumping off a cliff.

That said, Elden Ring players can’t just write whatever they want. Messages are constructed, like in previous FromSoftware games, using Mad Lib-style templates into which players can plug a long list of words encompassing proper nouns, directions, emotions, animals, and much more. While this is good enough to talk about what’s hiding around the corner in a dungeon, for example, players also come up with clever ways to circumvent these restrictions for more vulgar purposes.

Here are some of the best messages I’ve found in the Lands Between a little over 20 hours into my time with Elden Ring. And yes, many of them are dirty. I’m a child.


Elden Ring isn’t in Fortnite (yet), so this is probably the next best thing.

A text box reading "Fort Knight."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Oh good, I was wondering when it was going to show up.

A text box reading "Elden Ring ahead."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

This isn’t from a player, but I couldn’t help but laugh at Elden Ring’s deadpan, on-the-nose explanation of this NPC’s status.

A text box reading "She's dead."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Sometimes the best messages are the most obvious. Yep, those are legs. Thank you, nameless Tarnished.

A text box reading "Behold, legs!"

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Elden Ring is intense, so you gotta find time to rest where you can. Why not a giant, wooden chair?

A text box reading "Time for comfort."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Leave that poor, old lady alone.

A text box reading "Likely giant but hole..."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

The best messages, in my mind, combine text with gestures that complete or add to the joke.

A text box reading "love, O lover, Time for pickle."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Ditto.

Ditto.

Additionally, it’s really fun when a message sets up a joke…

A text box reading "If only I had a lover..."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

…and something in the world completes the punchline.

A text box reading "Whip."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Some of the most disappointing moments in Elden Ring have come from not being able to use the giant ballistae that menace you in certain regions. Give us a lever, FromSoftware!

A text box reading "If only I had a lever..."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

I think these guys are too far gone to save, but it’s a nice thought.

A text box reading "Offer rain."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Listen, knowing your limits is important. Do what you gotta do, just be safe.

A text box reading "If only I had a giant... but hole."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku

Just in case you, like me, wonder if Elden Ring might pull a Sekiro­-like snake jumpscare every time you cross a long bridge, this helpful message should set your mind at ease.

A text box reading "No snake ahead."

Screenshot: FromSoftware / Kotaku


Elden Ring is tough with a somber backstory, but it’s also the funniest game I’ve played in a long time. Feel free to share some of your favorite messages in the comments, I’d love to see what you’ve found and/or come up with yourself. The more absurd the better!

 

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